I Love This Husband & Wife Stuff


#301: Humility March 27, 2012

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Humility (Photo credit: Perfesser)

Humility is a weak area for me and I have asked God to help me with it.  One of the things I love about life is that you get to keep growing, improving, and changing.  I really want to become a more humble person.  First I need to understand what humility means.  Then I need to practice it.  I am in the learning phase now and am starting to practice what I’ve learned.

(becoming) a woman for Him just did an excellent post on humility called (becoming) closer to God through Proverbs 6, part 2 haughty eyes.  You can check it out here.  She says that the first thing God hates is haughty or proud eyes.  She asks us to look at our behaviors such as taking pride in your gifts and accomplishments, or feeling that you deserve certain things.  We are nothing without God and all that we have He gave to us.  If we boast it should be about our knowledge of God, God’s strength in our weakness, and what God did for us through the cross.

Learn This: A personal development site for passionately learning productivity, career,
leadership and life improvement tips posted 50 Ways to Be More Humble and to Act Humbly.  I highlighted the ones that really spoke to me and let me tell you, I did a lot of highlighting.  Here are the ones I really need to work on:

  • Listen more than you talk
  • Count to 3 before adding to a conversation to make sure the other person is done
  • You are God’s creation not your own
  • Don’t boast about your achievements, let others recognize them instead
  • Since winning isn’t everything, you don’t have to win
  • Remember that you are a sinner (in other words, you are no better or worse than anyone else)
  • Know how to accept praise with a simple thank you, don’t elaborate on it or talk more about it
  • Serve others and not yourself first
  • Learn from and model the life of the most humble teachers in history (Jess, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Buddha, etc.)

How to humble yourself in five easy lessons was also helpful.  It begins with “Humility is a tough thing to get.  The minute you think you got it, you lose it.”  Amen.  Pearls from this post include:

  • Take responsibility for your own sin for not doing so is proof of pride
  • Don’t forget who you are: a sinner, not God
  • To humble yourself you must do what is right, without regard for how insignificant that action or your position  may appear
  • to be humble does not mean feeling inferior, you can be confident in Christ
  • you can be a confident Christian – your faith in Jesus Christ makes you one of God’s children
  • Learn to control your tongue

Inner Frontier: Cultivating Spiritual Presence, also has a post on humility.  It begins with these two powerful messages:

There is a good description of humility:

“The humble, unassuming person immediately puts us at ease.  We can just relax and be ourselves in their presence, a zone of no competition, no judgment, and no fear.  The heart of the humble knows love.  Humility realizes that we are all in the same boat, all human, all equally children of the same God.”

If you struggle with humility as well, I hope these posts will help you as you strive to be ever more humble.


#255: God’s Vision for Marriage January 27, 2012

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English: The Wedding at Cana (watercolour)

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What truths about marriage did God communicate to us?  I believe that it was no coincidence that the first miracle Jesus performed took place at a wedding, the wedding in Cana.  When the wine ran short, Jesus turned water into wine.

Here are other messages God gives us about marriage:

  • Marriage is permanent.  Matthew 19:16
  • Marriage is friendship.  1 Samuel 20:42
  • Marriage is love. 1 Peter 1:22
  • Marriage is primary.  Genesis 2:24
  • Marriage is compatible, balanced, and has a strong foundation.  2 Corinthians 6:14-15

#221: Just love December 9, 2011

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Just love...

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There is a great guest post over at Engaged Marriage called Love is Sacrificial.  The guest post was written by Lori D. Lowe, marriage blogger at MarriageGems and author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage, out Dec. 8, 2011.  You can read more here.  I highly recommend it.  The premise is that couples who sacrifice for each other are happier.  This may seem counterintuitive to you.  It might seem that putting your spouse’s happiness before your own would make you happier.  It turns out that putting your spouse first is more likely to bring you happiness in the long run.  It kind of makes sense.  I get way more contentment out of giving than receiving.

My husband and I both make sacrifices for each other.  One thing I learned recently is that my husband makes sacrifices for me that I wasn’t even aware of.  Let’s take the little sacrifice of watching something on tv that you’d rather not watch.  I was under the impression that my husband liked Seinfeld and that when we watched it we were watching a show that we both liked.  It turns out that he only watches that for me.  My point is that your spouse may be making little sacrifices for you without your ever knowing it.  And that’s the way it should be.  When it comes to sacrifices there shouldn’t be counting, recognition, and acknowledgement. It should be about giving for the sake of giving.  All those pats on the back and gold stars that I need have to stop.  I need to learn to give without condition and without wishes for repayment.  True sacrifice means that I love under the Jesus model.  Love for the sake of love.  Just love.


#197: To my subscribers November 8, 2011

Created by Phil Scoville on June 25, 2005 Down...
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I wanted to take the time to properly and explicitly thank my subscribers.  Thank you!  Some of you are people I know.  Some of you are people I haven’t met.  I’m sure you have different reasons for subscribing.  Whatever your reason, it means a great deal to me that you have chosen to subscribe and that you read what I write.  I thank those of you who have taken the time to comment on my posts – to agree or even disagree.  I think about you when I write.  Once I said to my husband, not many people read my blog.  He said,  “Think about the subject. There aren’t tons of people who want to read a Christian marriage blog.”  Sad but true.  It can feel like an uphill battle, trying to do the right thing, trying to be positive and uplift marriage.  It is your support and encouragement that keeps me going. 

In the beginning, I had stopped writing for  a while and one of you asked me where I had been.  It made me feel like what I was doing really mattered.  It doesn’t take many people to back you.  Jesus had 12 disciples.  I don’t have many more subscribers than that.

So thanks again to all my subscribers.  I should treat you all equally but there is one subscriber that matters more than the rest.  That subscriber is my dear husband.  This blog, while a tribute to marriage in general, is always a sweet love song to him.


#167: Instruction Manual on How to Be a Good Spouse September 26, 2011

Owners manual

Image by Leo-setä via Flickr

     This weekend while I was recuperating from a bad cold, I spent a lot of time in bed watching religious programming on tv.  I watched a show called Time of Grace with Pastor Mark Jeske that was really good and happened to be about marriage.  Being the perpetual student, I took notes.  Here are some of the things I learned.

     Not only is doing God’s will the right thing to do, it will bring you happiness because it ties you into God’s blessing.  If you approach life and marriage through serving yourself and not God, you will be miserable.  Marriage is good for most people.  We are social beings and it cuts down on loneliness and it is economically sensible as well.  No wonder.  Marriage is a creation of God.  God invented marriage to build families and he started way back with Adam and Eve. 

     Because of human evil and sin, we need to learn how to treat each other properly.  The Bible can be a great teacher.  1 Corinthians 13 in particular can be a very effective instruction manual on how to be a good spouse.  1 Corinthians 13 is a very popular Bible verse, often used at weddings.  I bet you are familiar with it.  It’s very beautiful.  Verses 4 – 7 say: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

     These verses instruct you on how to treat your partner.  Unless you learn how to show love, real love not manipulative love, it doesn’t matter how smart you are, how beautiful, or how well you can cook.  The first thing we need to do is recognize that we were born sinful and that we don’t know how to love.   Next, put your own name in the Bible verses.  Don’t just think about love, think about yourself.  For example, “Karyl is patient, Karyl is kind.”  Go through each verse and contemplate how you are doing.  I know that Karyl is very impatient.  Karyl can be kind but she can be pretty mean as well.  I envy and boast.  I can be rude.  I can be easily angered and hold a grudge.

     Jesus did all those things that Love does.  Of course, Jesus is Love.  As we let Jesus love us, we become aware of what he gives us and he gives us strentgh to love in that way.  We have to decide to act in these ways.  We need to say to ourselves: “I am going to be patient and kind and slow to anger.” 

     We should be Fan #1 and Encourager #1 of our spouse.  Practice good thinking: think the best of your spouse and give him the benefit of the doubt.  Afterall, you love him, right?  Have hope.  Truly believe that tomorrow will be better.  God not only lives in the past but in the future.  He will bless us. 

     Always perservere.  Don’t talk to friends and peers about marriage, talk to that couple that’s been married 30 plus years!  Look at the marriage survivors that not only tolerate each other but are happy!  If you do these things you will have a happy home and your husband will want to be with you because you build him up.  A husband who does this will have a wife that will brag about him to her friends.


#149: Serving God Through Serving My Family August 25, 2011

I truly believe that I serve God each day through serving my family.  The love and care I give to my husband, son and home is an act of love for God and the God in them.  It is a way that I express my love for God and to be the woman that God wants me to be.    I read today in The Word Among Us :

“God has plans for your life, plans for your good, plans to give you a future full of hope.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  He wants to involve you deeply in his plans, even when it looks like the same old job, the same old school routine, or the same old schedule of housework.”

When you infuse your ordinary activities with your love of God, they take on a new light.  God is good that way.  He enlightens everything.  I’ve read a lot about Opus Dei.  Opus Dei is a Catholic institution founded by Saint Josemaría Escrivá.  The mission is to help people turn their work and daily activities into occasions for growing closer to God, for serving others, and for improving society.  The Opus Dei website shares:

“It is in the midst of the most material things of the earth that we must sanctify ourselves, serving God and all mankind,” said St. Josemaría. The family, marriage, work – all of our activities – are opportunities for dealing with and imitating Jesus Christ, trying to practice charity, patience, humility, diligence, integrity, cheerfulness and all the other human and Christian virtues.”

It’s not easy to practice charity, humility and cheerfulness while grocery shopping, mopping and cleaning the bathroom, but it is another opportunity to lift your burdens to God.  Another sacrifice you can make for all the sacrifices God has made for us.


#30: Having Someone to Take Care Of October 4, 2010

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I believe that serving others is the way that we get to be like Jesus, like God.  In footwashing ceremonies I have attended where the priest washes the feet of his parishioners like Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, you see the love and care present in the act of serving others.

As a wife, you get to serve your husband and care for him.  I am deeply aware how being a wife allows me to act as Jesus did.  I pray that as I fold his socks, and prepare a meal for him, and yes, even when I pick up his dirty clothes from the floor, that I recognize what a privilege it is to serve another person.