I Love This Husband & Wife Stuff


#275: Yes, dear March 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Karyl @ 9:00 am
Tags: , , , ,
Yes Dear (45/365)

Yes Dear (45/365) (Photo credit: Photosynthesised)

If I call my husband in the house, he answers “Yes, dear.”  I believe he thinks this is an improvement on “What?”  It appears that “Yes, dear” is more polite than “What?” But it isn’t.  Here is the problem: tone. I am very sensitive to tone. Tone can be especially problematic in emails. You can say something very mundane like “Why did you do it that way?” and it could have many meanings.

For example, “I noticed that you melted the butter before you added it to the batter. Why did you do it that way? Did the recipe call for that?  I usually put it in cold. I’ll have to try that.”

That’s a calm tone, just asking.

Then there’s

“I have told you a thousand times not to put the garbage bag in inside out. Why did you do it that way? You, idiot!”

That was clearly mad.

So that leads me back  to my husband. You see all roads lead to my husband. When he says “Yes, dear” what I hear is the following:

“What in the world do you want now?”

“Don’t you see I’m in my office trying to work?”

“You just called me two minutes ago!”

“Would you stop bothering me?”

“What silly thing is she going to tell me now?”

“I hate interruptions!”


“Good grief!”

“Dear Lord, please stop the noise!”

In other words, “What?”

So I told my husband, instead of confusing me with “Yes, dear” which leaves me with nice words with an irritated tone, just say “What?”  It’s more honest. 🙂


9 Responses to “#275: Yes, dear”

  1. Sexy Christian Wife Says:

    Sometimes nice just gets in the way of good communication.

  2. jinjersam Says:

    the manner of saying things or uttering words creates the impact on us… nice post you have here…

  3. Sarah Harris Says:

    I’m tone sensitive but also sensitive to the fact that guys know that no matter how they say it, sometimes they just can’t win! 😀 We’re always asking “What do you mean by that?!”

  4. Debbie Says:

    An honest-to-goodness possibility of the meaning of “Yes, dear” is simply a show of respect. It could be that there are no derogatory subliminal messages pointing their poison at you. It could also be that a wise man has learned that it is safer to stay noncommittal and polite.

    I come from a long line of females that slice and dice every single jot and tittle and the results always come up as a mark against the other person. Just the other day, my 70-year-old mother yelled at me to “shut up” after she caught me poking fun at her after she corrected her husband over his choice of words. It is extremely earth shattering and utterly life threatening if all details aren’t 100% correct even though a slight leaning toward imperfection does not stand in the way of meaning or value. After a while, he just remains silent and hides behind sudoko puzzles until another person is present with whom he can talk to and not worry about having to justify every sound that passes his lips. HA! Then she gets mad that people (and her children) talk to him more. It’s a no-win situation for everyone.

    Communication involves learning how to listen properly as well as learning how to properly convey thoughts, ideas, needs and emotions. Men and women were designed to be different. Marriage was meant to celebrate those unique differences on the journey of becoming one (which is a new thing and not a reflection one partner over another). Instead men and women have allowed their differences to be their platform for declaring war and marriage has become a holy crusade for redefining their “other half” to reflect themselves.

    I do get easily riled on marital issues and it’s easy to see why. Then I have to laugh at myself; after all, I’ve never been married. Our thoughts determine our emotions and our emotions determine our attitude and actions. The mind is the devil’s playground for it is in our thought processes that we remain a willing captive.

    • Karyl Says:

      Thank you for your comment. I know that if he said “What?” all the time I’d hate it too. I know and he knows that we are in a lose-lose situation with me. I’m working on it and trying to have a little fun with it as I do. I agree with you that communication is an area where men and women struggle in marriages. Thanks as always for your thoughtful and wise comments!

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